Woes of a Nursing Student Who Lacks a Social Life
POSTED AT 11:34 AM

My daily itinerary consists of this:

Monday - Wednesday: Home - School - Home
Thursday - Saturday: Home - Hospital - Home
Sunday: "Free" unless I have to study for anything.

Oh yeah. I might as well have my forehead stamped on by a big red marker that says "Loser". With all the things I have to do, I actually consider myself lucky that I get to see my friends (who're in other sections, btw) during breaktimes, since we're all in the same floor. The only reason I got to go online tonight is because I need to research on something for Sociology.

Ever heard of information overload? Yeah boy, it's so fucking much more than that. Chapters upon chapters of Medical-Surgical Nursing, Pharmacology and Pediatric Nursing are crammed into my brain, plus the extra work we had to do for RLE (Case Presentations, Case Scenarios, Preference Cards, PCRs and a Bibliography). And next week is examination week, meaning all the professors are going to give us last minute quizzes before the long exams. My Monday and Tuesday are already booked full of Tests. Toxicity to the highest level.  It's taking quite a while to download, so here I am. But I like how my quizzes are turning out. I haven't gotten a test with more than 9 mistakes, and I'm glad about that. At least I know the studying is paying off.

I'm loving Lit class though. I don't have to study for anything; I just have to come to class with the assigned literary piece (this week: Desiderata and On Love by Kahlil Gibran) and try to interpret the thing. Plus, it helps that my Prof is one heck of a funny guy. Funny-looking too.

Oh yeah. Had my first night shift last week. Twelve straight hours of...being awake (6pm-6am). We didn't get a case until 5 am (Appendectomy) and we left the hospital at around 7:30 am. When I got home, I was asleep even before my head hit the pillow. Next night shift is this Thursday. I so need to put together an anti-boredom kit. Hope I get to assist on another Major case though. The last two cases I had were both minors, and pretty boring, really.

My writing has been put on hold in the meantime. I've started on WYLE's Chapter 15 and am in the process of editing Chapter 11. Getting all these ideas for one-shots isn't helping me concentrate on WYLE either. If any of my WYLE readers are reading this too, don't worry. Chapter 11 will be up either this sometime in the next fourteen days, I hope. I'll try to squeeze the last bits of editing into my sched.

Gah, I can't wait for my next shift. I think we're assigned in the community next, so that means, I get to have Saturdays off. Saich and Buen will both be assigned in the community too, so I'm thinking we could get together on our free days.

Ah man, my Socio research thingie's done downloading.  Well there goes my excuse for staying online.

Til later then.

Monthlies
POSTED AT 01:40 PM

First monthly exam is over. Spent all night and part of the morning studying up and thankfully, the test wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be.

Busy all week, not only because of the exams, but also because of the other requirements we have to submit to Sir Gian on the last day of our OR shift. I'm only halfway done with my case presentation, and I hope I'd be able to finish it in time.

The writing is temporarily on hold, because I need to concentrate on school at the moment. I know, it sucks. I just hope I don't lose momentum.

He's a hopeless case, I don't even know why people bother. Saich says she doesn't like him. Can't blame her. Alam mo yung malabo? Mas pa dun. Don't think it's a good idea, but we'll see how this goes. Bahala na.

Got to bond with Chie again the other day. It's been a while since I last had a proper conversation with the guy. Missed the dude, I did. I mean, who else would enjoy doing Scottish, British, Chinese and Hindu accents with me? Mela's not too pleased with him though. See, his girl is still jealous of us (most esp. of Mela), and they get into fights because of it. He stopped hanging with us just to avoid the fights. It's just...unfair. I think it's stupid, to be honest.  I really should be upset with him as well, but it's just a waste of energy. I mean, whatever. Even if I get mad, it won't change anything. He won't start hanging with us again because of that. If anything, we'd drive him further away. So fine, whatever. I'll roll with this one, and enjoy the few moments I get to spend with him. (Those times are when his girl's not around to watch.)

Sociology class is a waste of time. Lit is the best. My Med-Surg prof sucks. Pharma's okay, but damn all those drug names. The memory work is getting ridiculous. Pedia, though, I got to implement in real life. My cousin Abby has pharyngitis, and I get to apply what I learned from Pediatric Nursing. Perfect timing too, coz we're discussing respiratory problems in Pedia.  

Can't wait 'til this week is over.

 

Stressed Out Ramblings
POSTED AT 04:21 AM

I've never felt exhaustion like I had this past week.

Do you know how it feels to stay up from four in the afternoon until four in the morning in front of the computer, analyzing all the different aspects of a certain disease, and then, without any food and sleep, go back to school to take an evaluation exam that you didn't get to study for at all?

It. Felt. Like. Hell. And I think I looked like it too. Dark circles under my eyes, my hair unkempt (even in its usual bun), blank expression on my face, zits popping out everywhere....the works. When people talked to me, all I could do was grunt. My instructor asked a question, and I knew the answer but it took my brain like a minute to process whatever he said, and another minute to open my mouth and answer. I swear, I didn't even have the energy to talk, or laugh. When people told jokes, I wanted to laugh but I so didn't have the energy for it. Me! Without the energy to laugh! It's fucking unheard of! And that's not counting the days starting Monday, where I barely had any sleep at all either to study.

Worst of all, this is just the beginning of everything.

And with the UST College of Nursing's Licensure Exam Passing rate down to 86% from the usual 98% (or whatever), I'm sure the administration will do everything in their power to get the college status back up. That would mean our work would be thrice as hard now, if not more. As if things aren't difficult enough as they are. Oh joy.

A friend of mine almost had a breakdown yesterday. We found out about our Pharmacology exam results, and she got the lowest score. She asked me to go to church with her (after the evaluation thing), and then, she just broke into tears and asked me to stay with her for a while, that she really needed someone right then. So even though I was half-dead from exhaustion, I told her I'd stay with her.

She hated Nursing. She hated the course with a passion. She said she didn't even pass the entrance exam (that she took even without wanting to), but her dad pulled strings just so she could get in. She's having an extremely rough time with the subjects, and its depressing her that even though she's working her ass off for something she didn't even want, it never seemed enough.

What's she still doing here, you ask? Parents, of course. Most Pinoy parents have this crazy idea that if one of their kids become a nurse, they could export her to the U.S., or anywhere overseas, and they could get out of the hellhole we're living in right now. We couldn't really blame them entirely, since the Philippines, much as I hate to admit it, is going to the dogs. The drooling, rabid and vicious kind.

It's unfair how some parents could do that to their kids. I'm not judging her dad, or anything, but I think it's horrible to force your kid to do something she doesn't want and let her suffer and shame herself through it all. Life is hard enough as it is without all that pressure. All for fucking greens, and the so-called American Dream.

It would be hypocritical of me to say that money isn't the reason why I'm taking up the course myself. It is. I want to get rich, and travel the world and all that junk. Though it's not, by all means, the easiest, it seems that for us 3rd world country dwellers, it's the surefire way.

While I don't exactly love the course, I don't hate it either. At least my folks didn't force me into this. Quite the opposite really. My mother didn't want me to take up Nursing; she said it didn't seem to suit me at all. I'm a free-spirited literature lover, a fashion junkie, a music afficionado. I appreciate the beautiful things in life, like the arts. I wanted to learn how to paint, and get better at drawing. I wanted to learn how to play any kind of instrument. I wanted to get into fashion or interior design. And must not forget my love for writing. I once aspired to become a good writer, or poetess.

I might have had the makings of one, but I guess that's all it's ever going to be now. I lack practice, guidance, time, and drive. My "talent" would remain tied down to amateurish poetry and fanfiction and blog entries.

Yeah I know I put this upon myself by deciding to take the up Nursing anyway. I wanted to be practical. Writing, or fashion or music wouldn't get me anywhere, I don't think. Unless I'm brilliant in it, which I'm not.

I want the money, and all the luxuries that come with it. But before I could spend any for myself, I have to get my parents out of their debt first, and finance my younger siblings' education. Mama and Papa have been working abroad for as long as I can remember, because salaries back here are not enough to get us by. It pains them so much to be away from us, and not see us grow up and stuff, like other parents. My mother sometimes got these depressed episodes, when she'd call us, all sniffly with crying. My dad showed depression by withdrawing himself. According to my mom, he'd just suddenly grow quiet and irritable, looking extremely miserable.

I want to be able to repay them. I want to be able to provide for them for a change, and I want them to get the rest that they so deserve. And most of all, I want to get our family back together.

People often say that it's better to be doing something you love and not get paid, rather than have all the wealth in the world by doing something you can't stand, but really. Get real.

What's that have to do with my friend's meltdown? Well...with those thoughts, I couldn't exactly give her any helpful advice, or reassurance, can I? She was a bit sensitive; she needed comforting words and coaxing "you can do it" type of thing, and I can't do that. I think realistically, and reality is harsh. I don't want to give false hopes and idealistic, cliche ideas.

At first, It felt a bit useless that I was just sitting there, listening wordlessly as she poured out her frustrations. (Well, I offered to help her out if she needed any help studying, but I don't think that's the answer to her problems.) I didn't know what to tell her. Good thing she wasn't really looking for advice; just someone to listen. I was kind of surprised that she went to me for comfort, since we weren't really all that close. But when she thanked me, saying that she felt so much better afterwards, I felt better about myself too. It's kind of flattering to think that I helped someone out just by being there, even if I didn't even do anything. It's a wonder what mere presence can do, no?

That's just one of the reflections that I've had this week. There are a few more, but I'll write about those later. First, I need to sweep the cobwebs of my WYLE archive and start editing chapter 12 and finish writing chapter 15.

Later!:)

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Note: Okay, that was weird. And hardly coherent. But whatever. I'm so not rewriting. It's a diary entry, deal with it.;p