...

*blows cobwebs off blog*

It's been a while, huh?

I'm not certain as to the reason why I've stopped blogging so suddenly. I guess I just didn't feel like chronicling my life anymore. It's not as if anything remotely exciting happened to me during the past school year anyway. There was a guy, it didn't work out. We had subjects that I really don't want to explain in detail so as not to bore anyone else. Literature, for once in my life, had been categorized into the proverbial thorn on the side. I got to see people being sliced open. I got to talk with crazy dudes. No seriously, they really are crazy. The Bencher Fridays were long forgotten and had been reduced to phone calls and hasty hellos on corridors. And I gained weight. (haha, body issues. Sorry.)

Basta. In those ten months of absolute hell, I didn't think anything was worth remembering. All I know is that it exhausted me half to death.

Everything died during my junior year...My social life, my family life (I would add love life, if, you know, I actually had one) and even my creative mojo died.  I just...found myself burned out, so burned out that I lost even the drive to write. I didn't realize it when it happened, it just did, and I wasn't even the one to discover it. Nicole realized it for me, during that five-day vacation we had at Girlie's.

"Dati ang sarap pa basahin ng blogs nyo. Anong nangyari?" was what she said. Well, I guess not in the same words, but that pretty much sums it all up. However she said it doesn't matter anyway, because its true. My writing mojo died. The blog became my complaint board instead of my creative outlet. It's like a slap to the face, realizing that something that I once felt so passionate about had been kicked to curb because I've been too busy. I mean...Shit. That's never happened to me before.

I'm planning on changing all of that now. We've already started with this new collaborative project that I have with Nic and Saich (its a, dare I say it? novel), and now I'm boosting the start by putting this old blog to use.

I may be in this course just because I want the privileges that come with it, but that doesn't mean I'm going to forget that I once was an aspiring writer.

Its a new school year and I plan on making it a little more exciting than its predecessors, and it will hopefully be chronicled here. Hey. I'm a senior now. I'm entitled to have some fun before I hurtle headfirst into the real world, aren't I?

So yeah. I guess you (if anyone is reading this at all) could expect to read more of me in the coming school year. :)

1. Roaches are the bane of my existence, and not just because they’re  dirty and freaky when they fly and that they leave a majorly gooey mess when you smash them. However, I do not kill roaches. Due to a true-to-life experience, I developed a belief that roaches can get their revenge on you even after you think you smashed them to death.

2. All my bags are either rather large or deceptively small but roomy. During outings, trust that you will see me lugging around a bag half my weight. I cannot, for the life of me, live with the principle of pack light. Whenever I try to do so, I feel like I'm forgetting something. And I usually do forget stuff when I pack lightly...important stuff. Like my wallet for instance.

5. I walk better in heeled (wedge, stiletto…doesn’t matter) shoes. I trip over when I’m in flats.

6. People say I have great hair. What they don’t know is that when I get stressed out, the said great hair sheds, leaving extremely unattractive bald patches on my scalp. (To those who might possibly share the same problems: Minoxidil is the answer.)

7.  I eat Clover Chips with arroz caldo, Chiz Wiz with bananas, chicharon with menudo and pan de sal with a cream cheese-and-V-cut filling.  I do not like sinigang.  I know.

8.  I can think of dialogues, taglines and character quirks at the drop of a hat.

9. When anyone asks me to solve any kind of arithmetic equation, my brain shuts down and my nose bleeds.

10. I always have been and always will be a writer at heart.

I tag.....

Saicho Repuyan
Nicole Eniego
Marjorie Dalusong
Paolo Enrile
Dennis Fernandez
Marian Go

And anyone else who wants to play along too, go for it!

Heh. Today concludes the first week (first three days really, but let's not get technical) of school.

Pardon me while I try to come up with an interesting insight.

Anyhew, we had our General Orientation on the first day. Saich and I all but bet on how long it will take for the professors to say "Fourth year na kayo, you should set a good example" or other such similar nonsense. The profs did not disappoint. Five minutes into the speech, we were treated to a reprimanding using the aforementioned phrases. Yep. We're psychic.

I used to be so overwhelmed with those Orientations. During the past three years in Nursing, I've pretty much deduced that Profs and Clinical Instructors loved to scare the students; they lived for that kind of thing. I think I'm immune to it by now, 'cause nothing that they said scared me anymore. Their speeches and threats and lame jokes did not invoke any emotion resembling fear at all, all I did feel was resignation. Tanggap na lang ng tanggap, wala naman nang magagawa eh. Sanay na.

Even hospital duty orientation with Ma'am Chua did not faze me much. While she was telling us about our "bigger responsibilities", I couldn't help feeling a been there done that vibe.

I guess it's a good thing that I've already handled a stressful patient case before. Sheesh, taking care of that man (may his soul rest in peace...oy, he did not die during my shift ha. and he's really terminal na rin naman. Totally not my fault.) really took its toll on me. He had hepatic encephalopathy (a terminal case...as in no hope of recovery whatsoever) and I was there to witness his decline into comatose and eventual death. He was hooked on a shitload of contraptions, he had like five IV lines that I had to regulate, blood transfusions every now and then, hourly monitoring...the works. And since he's comatose, I had to perform basic human tasks for him. You know, taking a bath, cleaning up after he does a number 2 on his diaper and all that fun stuff, all the while talking to him as if he can hear me. With everything I had to accomplish, I almost never left his hospital room. It had been ridiculously exhausting.

But even with all the stress, I was able to perform a lot of practical nursing skills while taking care of him, which just added to my working experience. That's always a good thing. I came up with certain systems on how I could save my time and energy while working. I took and carried out simple doctor's orders, gave medications, performed skills without needing the CI's supervision. I really felt like a professional nurse then, and it felt really good. Like I really accomplished something. So now I think I'll do just fine in the clinical area, bigger responsibilities and all.

Ganun naman lagi diba. When you've been through hell, everything else will seem like rainbows and butterflies.

Let's see, what else...

Oh yeah, I signed up as a student council staffer...just so I could have a lame excuse for an extracurricular activity. I might also join the Nursing Chorale. The Journal is out of the question; way too serious for me. I want extracurriculars for the fun, not for more stress.  

I'm feeling rather positive about this year. Let's see how long that lasts.:)

Here's the scoop: I am invited to the St. David Reunion. And before anyone gets confused, St. David is my highschool senior class section. Now the problem is that...I am not particularly fond of the people in the said class.

I know, right? Senior year is supposed to be the year, especially in highschool. It's the last hurrah, it's our time to shine and insert other godawful cliches here. But for reasons I have yet to explain, my senior HS year had been anything but awesome.

See in my class there are several groups of people. There's the group I hang out with, mostly made up of the artsy (Agnes), sarcastic (Loren) and kooky (Patricia and Jasmine) people that I found interesting. They're the class's saving grace, I swear to God. I would've suffocated and died if not for them. I've already messaged them regarding the said reunion, but I don't think any of them are interested in going either. It's all, 'I'll go if you go'. We're depending on each other, I guess.

There are those who I just never got to bond with.  They're the quiet, demure group in the back of the class. I've nothing against them really. I guess I just never got to know them very well. In the few instances that I actually hung out with them, they were really nice. But that's about it. It'd be good to see them again I guess, but then...what the eff would we talk about?

And I don't think they'll make it to the reunion either. It's a night out in Eastwood City.

There are the boys, who can basically be classified under the Clowns, COmputer game lovers and stereotype popular boys. Some might be a combination of 2 or all 3 categories though.

The clowns are the ones I rather like. They're the life of the class, the ones who wake us up with chuckle-worthy comments during a particularly boring lecture. They get along with everybody, and hey. They get along with lil ol' me.

The computer game lovers (err...geeks) I hardly ever talked to, mainly because I'm fluent only in English and Filipino, not DoTA-speak. When they do speak English, they're pretty likable.  

The popular boys are just...that. Popular. Cocky. Rich. Uhmm...they have cars? Yeah. 'Nuff said.

And one of the said fucktard popular boys just had to notice me, lead me on and then break my heart. Of course, after that happened I felt like a total moron (not to mention heartbroken) and hardly ever spent time in the classroom anymore. My breaktimes are then spent in other sections with Nic and Saich.

The popular dudes would prolly be there, since they have the means to actually get there. The clowns...I'm not absolutely sure. I'm willing to bet that the PC people won't be there though.

Then there are people who I am terribly annoyed with, because I think they're airheads. They're a rather big group, almost half the population of the girls in class. As in the stereotypical I-love-boys-and-makeup-and-oh-my-God-I'm-so-popular kind of people. As in no depth whatsoever. I mean, sure, I do love to talk about boys and makeup and fashion. I'm a highschool girl, doi. But from time to time, I think its imperative to find something else to talk about. As my good friend Agnes said, pati goldfish mamamatay sa kababawan. And I think they're proud of their lack of depth because they always talk so loudly. Their noise got our class in a whole lot of trouble. Since they're the ones who came up with this brilliant reunion idea, I'm pretty sure they would be there.

So you see now why I don't want to go to that reunion?

But then, I also have this irritating quality called curiosity. And optimism. Those effing characteristics always make me think twice. Right now, they're suggesting that the reunion might be fun. People might actually show up. They could've changed in the past three years. College did do a lot for me. If anything, it forced maturity on me (even though I don't think it did a very good job. Hee.) Maybe I'd like them better now than I did back in high school.

They always say to follow your instincts. How am I supposed to do that, when the instinct doesn't know either?

Meaning...my blog layout.

Yeah, I know, past readers have seen this before. But I'm a little too lazy to look for a new layout and I don't know how to make my own (if I did, you'd be sure to see a Gerard Way themed one) so I'm stickin' back to this old beauty. It's simple, but, in a few words, it's me:  Purple, magical and hey, it features Duo Maxwell.  Still my only anime love.

If anyone out there would be a saint and make me a layout (asa, Chenyl. Asa), send me a shoutout? Thanks much.:)

Oh look, I have a trainee in the ward!

Eh...actually, no, not actually a trainee. It just so happened that a third year RLE group didn't have an instructor, and they were divided into small groups and were distributed to other RLE groups. A group of four then joined us for the morning shift in Sto. Tomas Ward.

Since they were a younger bunch, they were to shadow us, which basically meant that they just have to follow us around and do whatever we tell them to do. (We were warned not to make a slave of 'em though so...bummers. Hee.)

It seems that Mayen, our team leader of the day, trusted my knowledge and skills enough to assign one of the young'ins to me. He was to be my trainee, my assistant, and I was to be his senior, someone who he could learn from.

Jesus Christ, I was nervous beyond belief.

For a senior nursing student, I know enough. I'm confident with that fact. I've handled intensive care patients before. But having someone watch everything I do usually makes me fumble, and its not a pretty picture. I do not like embarassing myself, much less in front of a junior.

But whatever. So the junior had to tag along with me for the entire morning, big deal. I had a grand total of two patients for that day, minus one since one of them is in the operating room and the other is a chemotherapy patient. There were no due medications, no special procedures, just IV lines to be regulated and a post-operative bed to be prepared. How could I possibly embarass myself?

So armed with my clipboard and stethoscope, I marched into the room of my chemo patient to introduce myself, my junior 'trainee' in tow. I did my assessments and checked to see if everything is in order before I gave my routinary health teachings.

A boring lesson for everyone: nausea, vomiting and hair loss are not the only side effects of chemotherapy. They are also prone to bleeding, anemia and infections because all their blood components are low.

So of course I advised my patient to report any untoward signs, yadda yadda yadda, and then came the part of avoiding infection. I told her to avoid consuming fresh fruits and vegetables because they might harbor pathogens (and they are rich in potassium, and chemo patients are also prone to hyperkalemia, but that's another story).

It just so happens that for her breakfast, the dietary department included a fresh orange in her tray, so naturally, they questioned my teachings. I said that fruits and vegetables did not have to be completely eliminated, only that she has to lessen her intake for the reasons I have mentioned earlier. The patient was amenable, she accepted my reasons without a fuss. The relative (her son, I think), however, was not as accepting. He looked at me in a very scrutinizing and somewhat hostile way that made me feel just a little more than uncomfortable. Like hell was I gonna let that pass.

"Bakit po ganyan ang tinging nyo sa 'kin?" (Why are you looking at me like that?) I asked him, my tone betraying none of the irritation I was starting to feel.

"Miss, dietician ka ba?" (Are you a dietician?)

"Nursing student po."

"Kase you're giving opinions on..." he trailed off at that, but I knew what he was implying. That I was giving opinions on things that I knew nothing about.

Fuck you dude. We studied Cancer for an entire grading period, so I do know what I'm talking about. Ask that to the 1.75 I got on my Medical Surgical Nursing subject.

That's what I wanted to say. But of course, I couldn't do that. Therapeutic communication and all. So all I did was smile and say that no, I was not giving opinions, that my health teachings are based on fact, and that if ever I am proven wrong, I apologize in advance.

He gave me one last nasty look before he shut up and turned away. I resumed talking to my patient, and discussed to my trainee whatever it is I knew about cancer and chemo.

When we left the room, I apologized to the junior, not knowing exactly why. I was somewhat ashamed of the fact that my credibility was questioned in front of my own patient and a junior. All he said was "Hindi ma'am, tama naman po yung sinabi niyo eh. At least po, naexplain nyo ng mabuti yung side nyo." ("No ma'am, what you said was right. At least you were able to explain your side well.")

Patients and relatives in paid institutions can be more than just a little demanding and at times rather arrogant. We nurses, since we are usually thought of as just the doctor's assistants therefore not as credible or reliable, have to cope without showing that we are annoyed, or hurt or offended by their lack of trust. So I guess if anything, I taught my junior co-worker grace under pressure, and confidence in oneself. If you can justify yourself, then by all means, do so.

Not a bad lesson, if I do say so myself.