LDR
POSTED AT 08:34 AM

We’ve always known that long distance relationships are tough. It gets easier these days, with the advancements in technology and whatnot, but even with the constant chats and voice calls, nothing still beats physical closeness.

It’s difficult at first, while you try to get used to the setup of not seeing your significant other face to face. Once you get used to the routine, everything gets a little easier. For a while at least.

Then, distance and time apart takes its toll. Patience stretches thin, and everyday it gets harder. Factor in unmatching schedules, busy work or school activities and the possibility of the other finding someone else while you aren’t there is enough to make one go crazy and it’ll make the distance all the more difficult to bear.

Truth of the matter is, when someone wants to be with you, the fact that you’re already in a committed relationship wouldn’t matter to them if your partner is not anywhere near. It scares me, when I see an exceptionally sweet couple here (and I feel this pang of jealousy and admiration that two people could be so in love), and THEN find out that they’re both married to different persons. I personally have been asked quite a few times if I have a boyfriend. I said I do, and he’s back home. “Oh, that doesn’t count. I meant if you had a boyfriend, here.” is what they keep saying. It’s hard not to get paranoid with that knowledge.

It’s so easy to say “we can make it through”, but really, there is no real assurance that you will come out of this as a unit. You might grow apart, you might find someone else, you might get a lot of misunderstandings that would inevitably lead to a break up. It’s sad, and cruel, but it’s the truth.

I’ve learned that there are three things that can make your chance of survival strong. Communication, support, and faith.

Communicate as often as possible. Even if you don’t get to talk, leave messages. That’s enough to let your partner know that you thought of him/her during the day. Unless you have a disability that prevents you from using a computer, there is no reason for you not to find a way to communicate.

Offer support. Be each other’s strengths. Try and see things in a more positive light, that soon enough this ordeal would be over and that you two are tighter and stronger than ever. Believe me, it works wonders. Negativity really does weigh you down.

Ultimately it all comes down to faith, in all senses of the word. Faith, as in, trust your other (even though sometimes its almost next to impossible) and be faithful.

As for me, I’m gearing up for a huge leap of faith. If I’m wrong, there’s nobody else to blame but myself. If I’m right, then…well. I guess this relationship is worth fighting for after all. :)

Fictional Diary
POSTED AT 06:00 PM

It makes me wonder when it all started. I never even realized that you were slipping away until you were too far away to reach.

Are you sorry that you met me? And that you wasted your time waiting for me, being miserable while I was gone, when you could’ve been free of the ties and responsibilities that came with being with me?

What happened first, falling out of love, or finding someone else to catch you? I may not be there, but I am not blind, nor am I born yesterday. You can insist and deny, but I just call it like I see it, babe and I see her in your eyes.

Yup, we’re back to babe status again, aren’t we?  

I wonder what happened to the boy who said he’d rather get hurt first before he let anything happen to me. To the boy who cried without shame at the thought of losing me. The boy who said “I’m here waiting for you, even if the future awaiting us is unlike today. My heart is tugging on the string that binds us.”

Do you delight in my pain? It seems like it. Either that or you couldn’t care any less.

It makes me feel so foolish that I believed it when they assured me that I don’t have to worry, I was the only girl for you. I have tried to give everything to you, and for a while it seemed like I was the only one you’ll ever need. They told me I made you become someone better, and they were right. I saw the progress, and I was proud, oh so proud of you.

That isn’t the case now, is it? I am just a burden to you now, something that’s holding you back -- no longer an asset, no longer the bright spot to your everyday.

What happened?

I am not afraid of the truth. You can see yourself with her, if only she wasn’t attached, don’t you? I don’t blame you, you look good together, and you probably have much more in common with her than you’ll ever have with me. She was there for you the way I wasn’t, when I should have been.

Do your knees get weak around her the way they did back then, when we first kissed? Did you get to carry her on your back? Does she take care of you better? I should be ashamed if she does, taking care of people is my job, and for you I worked twice as hard, pro-bono.

I’ve been giving you the choice, whether you want to stay or go. You said you wanted to stay…but is it only because you can’t be with her? You say one thing, but the way you’re acting, you’re making me feel the complete opposite.

I’ve had my fair share of (very) low moments, and I know all that doesn’t’ help me plead my case. For that I apologize. But you have to admit, you’ve had your shortcomings too. Just…please don’t pin all this on me. I’m not the only one at fault. You promised you’ll stay mine, no matter what happens, and I believed you.

I don’t want the candy coating, give me the bitter pill. If you’re afraid of hurting me, don’t be. I’m stronger than you think. I can take it, I’m a big girl.

“There is no anger. Just you and I and the truth.”

Nope, no anger, I swear. Sadness, maybe, that forever for you ended so quickly. That I’d never get to give Lumpy a hug, nor get to taste your mom’s awesome cooking, or see your dad’s ghetto-ness. That the sleepovers will be no more, nor will we ever learn Spanish together like we talked about. That a lot of the promises we made back then will stay just that: wishes. Words. That I’ve gotten so used to your company that I’ll miss it when its gone.

Oh don’t get me wrong. I’m not telling you to stay with me. I don’t even know if I can bear staying with you either, not when I know that she’s always in the back of your mind. I told you, I may be in love with you, but I’m not going to settle for second.

It’s hard, hanging on to something that’s struggling to be freed. But I am keeping a tight grip until you tell me to let go.